We are all constantly changing. A process unfolding. Only what we hold onto stays the same.
And yet, I seem to have an expectation of myself to remain consistent. A part of me longs for a reliable personality that I can identify with- preferably a nice, likeable and 'valuable' personality!.... Someone who can be relied upon.... and as I get older I learn that the only thing that can be relied upon is change.
I have been gifted with a very obvious guide to my cyclical nature- my menstual cycle. To come into relationship with my monthly cycle has been a revelationary experience for me. Over many years, and with the help and guidance of other sisters I have woken up to the different energies that pass through me during the different phases of the cycle- which at times is an actual lunar month and at times not. This is leading me to a greater acceptance of my changeability, and also how to harness these energies in a productive, rather than destructive way.
This painting below is an expression of this. It is an intensely personal painting that was deeply uncomfortable to paint the whole way through the process. I did not imagine I would ever show it to anyone, but with gentle encouragements from friends I exhibited it last February in the the first and (as yet) only exhibition I have made.
She is not pleasant or beautiful. Infact many people don't like her. She is a claiming of what I have denied for most of my life, and gradually I am re-membering.... that I am a multi-facetted, constantly changing, cyclical woman.